“Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” – Henry Ward Beecher
A beautiful, soul-nourishing food one can feed the mind is gratitude. Gratitude’s benefits list is so long. If there were a beginner-friendly self-care routine advice to give someone, it would be gratitude practice.
Lifestyle coaches and psychologists have extensively advised making gratitude a part of life for positive living. However, some mistakes can diminish the effects of the practice if not done correctly. I had similar experiences with the journey. At one point, I thought this whole term was just some fancy wording—nothing worked. But after figuring out the mistakes, I could understand the cause and effect. Here’s what I have collected to smooth out your journey:
Not Connecting with the Feelings
Often, the advice “Even if you don’t feel it, just write 3 events you are grateful for” can go wrong. The statement is only given to build a habit of practice, not the whole process itself. If we only practice gratitude for the sake of building a good habit and don’t associate it with the feelings, then it’s pointless. The latter is the main purpose. If I am writing daily just because I have to write, but I don’t feel those moments, then it becomes like a job done only for the money.
Solution: When you are writing about things or even doing a gratitude countdown, associate those with a feeling. Always ask yourself the next question: “WHY?” The answer will create meaning in your mind. Sometimes, the things we are grateful for can be associated with a tragic memory. Learning where the loophole is, where you have the scope for healing, and where you hold precious people is the real gain.
Breaking the Thankful Silence
One common habit is that even though we appreciate someone’s service, we don’t express it. So what? I am thankful—that should be enough. This is the common thinking. But actually, no, it’s not enough. If the other person doesn’t know that you are thankful, then misunderstandings occur. After all, we always expect a minimum level of appreciation in return for every approach. In the case of friends and family, we take everything for granted. This mentality comes from the secure, permanent relationship we have with them. Not expressing gratitude to others can hollow out your soul.
Solution: Start expressing it within your family. The closer the relationship, the better. The most comfortable relationships are often the hardest for things like this. Whenever you feel like someone deserves a “thank you”, say it, write it, or show it through actions. Give five times the kindness you have received. Say how much they mean to you and how lucky you feel to have them.
Related: How to practice gratitude and the benefits.
When Generic Thanks Fall Flat
“I am grateful for this day,” “I am grateful to have this job”—these vague comments destroy the core base of gratitude. You are grateful for what specifically? Without the specification, the association of events will not be possible.
Solution: Write or think, “I am grateful that I met her today.” or “I am grateful that my colleagues are friendly.” Be as specific as possible. The more details you think about why you are thankful, the more gratitude comes effortlessly.
Beyond the Daily Checklist
“Every day, I have to write about five things before sleeping.” This thinking is a mistake. After a lot of repetition, anything becomes monotonous. Gratitude is about discovering the positivity among the darkness—it should not be a chore. Journaling, walking, or any other gratitude exercises can become boring if repeated daily.
Solution: Change the activities. The more you experiment with different types, the more you will enjoy the process. For example, writing every day can be difficult—once or three times a week can be ideal. When journaling no longer seems interesting, you can walk. Sometimes, meditation, a gratitude countdown, or other gratitude exercises can be fun. Make sure you look forward to this “me-time”, not the other way around.
When Gratitude Masks Reality
Gratitude doesn’t mean happiness. The more you appreciate things, the more positivity takes place in your heart. In the process, you learn to be happy amidst chaos. For example, I got fired today. Being jobless is not something positive for me. But after a month or so, when my emotions are processed enough, I might be grateful for this event as the boss was toxic. The present and future can shape the same event into two different perspectives.
The common mistake people make is that they try to find happiness and gratitude in everything just because they believe that can bring them peace. This is called toxic positivity.
Solution: Don’t try to be grateful for everything immediately. Give yourself time to process the emotions, then try to find out what better outcome can come from the pain you have experienced. Even if you don’t find any, that’s alright. Identifying both good and bad feelings is also part of the gratitude process.
Letting Gratitude Flow Naturally
Using gratitude prompts and daily practice sometimes creates a bad habit as well. Suppose you are planning that tomorrow you will go shopping, and at night you will write about it in your gratitude journal entry. That ruins all other possibilities and surprises tomorrow is waiting to bring you.
Solution: Don’t plan or think about the journal entry. Give the next day a chance to surprise you. You might get something more than what you expected (good or bad). If you restrict your thoughts, then searching for appreciation becomes vain.
Related: Practical guide to gratitude exercises.
The Gratitude Escape Route
What is the common human tendency when handling situations? Avoiding problems. Not everyone does that, but most do. We find ways to avoid conflicts to keep the peace. Many times, gratitude practice becomes a hideout. People think that if they can just find the positive points in whatever the situation is, then the problem can be solved, and they won’t feel miserable. This is actually quite dangerous. Avoidance syndrome can move people away from reality and into a positivity-and-everything-justified bubble. That can blur our ability to identify our emotions and feelings. Avoiding the situation doesn’t really make someone happy—it can have worse consequences in the long run.
Solution: Use gratitude to teach yourself how to live contently with both good and bad situations. Identifying your feelings and reactions, along with facing them—even if they are uncomfortable—is the right way.
Gratitude isn’t just a practice—it’s a journey of self-discovery that transforms how we view our world and ourselves. When done mindfully, it becomes a powerful tool that helps us navigate both sunny days and storms with equal grace. The key isn’t to perfect the practice but to approach it with authenticity and awareness.
Remember, genuine gratitude doesn’t ask us to deny our struggles or paint everything in rosy hues. Instead, it invites us to embrace life’s full spectrum while maintaining an open heart to its gifts, both obvious and hidden. As you continue your gratitude journey, let these guidelines serve not as rigid rules, but as gentle reminders to stay true to yourself while cultivating this life-changing practice.
After all, true gratitude isn’t about ticking boxes or following formulas—it’s about awakening to the extraordinary nature of ordinary moments and allowing that awareness to transform us from within.
